The Genie of Project Management

Genie of Project ManagementThree men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says:

Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish.

The hardware engineer went first:

I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries.

The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next:

I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries.


By |2022-11-18T10:20:02+00:00April 14th, 2016|PM Jokes|0 Comments

How to Manage Late And Not Ready Deliveries

Do you manage late and unfinished projects this way?

Make sure you deliver your projects on time, within budget and as expected and your customer will be a happy and loyal customer.

By |2022-11-18T10:20:08+00:00April 4th, 2013|PM Jokes|Comments Off on How to Manage Late And Not Ready Deliveries

Project Management, Resource Leveling And Pregnancy

The other days I read a funny project management joke: It takes one woman nine months to have a baby. It cannot be done in one month by nine women.

Managing projects is not an easy job. It takes some experience and knowledge if you want to do it well. There are many things to be taken into consideration during the entire process of managing a project but the important thing is to get the job done well, on time and within budget.

A critical factor is the time constraint. Sometimes you are forced to do a work faster and here enter into the stage the so called resource leveling mechanisms. Anyone understands that more people do a work faster than fewer… The same principle is used to finish a task sooner. Hire more personnel and problem solved!

But wait…what if that task just can not be done faster? Well… you can not build the roof for a house until the walls are not finished. And you can not raise the walls until foundation is not ready. But foundation must dry first to be solid and this can not be done faster no matter how many resources you are planning to use.

What all these mean? Simple: make sure you are doing a good, realistic project plan before signing a contract and starting the work. Some tasks just can not be done faster…

By |2022-11-18T10:20:09+00:00January 31st, 2013|PM Jokes, Resource Management, Time Management|Comments Off on Project Management, Resource Leveling And Pregnancy

The Monkey Manager

One day a man enters a pet shop. And while looking for a pet for his son he notices a young monkey for sale at $10.000. Intrigued by the price he asks the seller:

– Why do you have such a big price for this monkey?

– Well… He knows how to work with a Windows computer, he can work with office documents and writes HTML.

A little bit further another monkey with a $15.000 price.

– And what can this monkey do for this amount of money?

– He can work on Linux, knows how to do programming in Java and code in PHP.

In the end the man also finds a monkey valued at $20.000:

– Incredible! Can you tell me now what can this monkey do? That is a lot of money…

– Hmm… I do not know exactly what he does but the other two monkeys call him “Project Manager“.

By |2022-11-18T10:20:09+00:00December 17th, 2012|PM Jokes|Comments Off on The Monkey Manager
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